Reasons I Hate My iPhone4

I should preface this by saying that I didn't want an iPhone. My old phone was an LG flip phone- numeric pad only, no keyboard. No "apps". Just texting, calling, and a really sub-par camera. I didn't want, or need, other features. Then, about two weeks ago, my poor little flip phone croaked for good. I was looking at the Droid when my parents informed me that I was getting an iPhone so we could all have the same phone (not sure why that matters) and be on the same plan (AT&T instead of Verizon; it was too expensive to have different family members on different plans). Being a person who loves hating on Macintosh products for their limited customizability, obsession with aesthetics and hipster advertising campaign, I was a little horrified. I realize that some people would love to have the iPhone, but I kind of think it's a piece of crap. Here's why:

1) AT&T has horrible service. I realize that soon this might not be a problem anymore, with the iPhone supposedly coming to Verizon in the next few months. However, for reasons related to my dad's job, my family's plan will remain with AT&T. Calls are dropped, or won't go through at all. Sometimes I don't receive text messages until days after my friends send them. My Verizon phone could get service in the middle of the woods in Eastern PA. I practically have to climb a cell tower to get my iPhone to make a call.

2) The keyboard is awful. I was a champ at numeric-pad texting. I could literally hold my phone behind my back and text, at full (lightning!) speed without making any spelling or grammar mistakes. I could text while walking, because I didn't even need to look down. The iPhone doesn't allow this. The keyboard is a screen, not buttons, so I can't feel what I'm typing without looking. Also, my fingers are fat and I end up hitting the wrong keys all the time. With my fat fingers.

3) I find all the finger-cues infuriating. The iPhone uses different touch commands to scroll, zoom, turn the screen, rearrange the icons.. etc. This means I get to have nice fingerprints all over my screen instead of a more practical mechanism, such as a trackball or a scroll wheel. If you're like me and your hands are constantly covered with paint/pink hair dye/black nail polish all the time, you don't want to have to touch your screen for every command.

4) I really hate the way people react to me when I use my phone. Lately I've been accused by my more computer-saavy friends of buying into the Mac marketing (I stand by my previous statement that Mac products are made for people who don't know how to use a computer). I don't like using a product that I have openly expressed nerdy hatred for. I don't want to be identified with the girl in this video.

I'm trying to make peace with the iPhone. Someday, maybe, the fact that I can play Scramble on it will make up for the fact that it doesn't perform basic telephone functions as well as my phone from 5 years ago. Until then, I'll be misspelling words and dropping calls.